


I Never Get Bored Looking at You (Because Every Time, I See Something New)

by butterfly_wings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, also its rlly just bokuaka, happy ending! bc we're about fluff here, in which i project onto Bokuto, just straight up yearning, kuroken daisuga and bokuro are all very much in the background, overuse of italics commas and parenthesis lol, so much pining, this is v sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterfly_wings/pseuds/butterfly_wings
Summary: It begins, as do most of the greatest adventures of Bokuto’s life, with Kuroo, and his crass comment of “so just when are you going to fuck Akaashi, Bokuto?”.(It doesn’t, actually. It begins when Akaashi reciprocates one of Bokuto’s high fives, and instead of his usual thoughts, Bokuto is struck with the realization that he likes the feeling of Akaashi’s palm against his, and he is overcome with the need to entwine their fingers together. It’s such a strange thought that Bokuto pulls his palm away from Akaashi in near shock, and he shoves the desire into a neat little box that he refuses to open. He can think about it later, when he’s not in the middle of volleyball practice.)in which Bokuto pines, hard, after Akaashi.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, past one-sided Bokuto/Kuroo
Comments: 30
Kudos: 226





	I Never Get Bored Looking at You (Because Every Time, I See Something New)

**Author's Note:**

> title from girl in red's "watch you sleep" bc im a s o f t gay

It begins, as do most of the greatest adventures of Bokuto’s life, with Kuroo, and his crass comment of “so just when are you going to fuck Akaashi, Bokuto?”. 

(It doesn’t, actually. It begins when Akaashi reciprocates one of Bokuto’s high fives, and instead of his usual thoughts, Bokuto is struck with the realization that he likes the feeling of Akaashi’s palm against his, and he is overcome with the need to entwine their fingers together. It’s such a strange thought that Bokuto pulls his palm away from Akaashi in near shock, and he shoves the desire into a neat little box that he refuses to open. He can think about it later, when he’s not in the middle of volleyball practice.) 

“So just when are you going to fuck Akaashi, Bokuto?” Kuroo asks him, and Bokuto scoffs.

“I wouldn’t—Akaashi isn’t—I’m not going to fuck Akaashi,” Bokuto manages to get out. Two can play at this game, he decides. “Besides, when are you going to fuck Kenma?”

“I am a gentlemen, Bokuto,” Kuroo admonishes him. “I would _never_ fuck Kenma.” There’s a pause, before Kuroo adds, “Unless he asked. But this isn’t about me!”

“There’s nothing between me and Akaashi,” Bokuto lies, even though he doesn’t really know if that’s true. He likes Akaashi, that much is true. He likes him so much, in fact, that Akaashi might just be above Kuroo in the best friend hierarchy, except his friendship for Akaashi feels much, much different than his friendship with Kuroo. Bokuto still isn’t sure how he feels about that development. “I’m not going to fuck him.”

“But you would, if he asked,” Kuroo replies.

“I…” Bokuto has to stop. He wants to deny it, but now that the idea’s in his head, well, it doesn’t sound _that_ unappealing.

(That’s a lie. The idea of Akaashi being his, the idea of Akaashi’s fingers on him and Akaashi’s deep blue eyes focused only on him is nearly overwhelming, and Bokuto is struck with the realization that it actually is not just friendship that he wants with Akaashi.) 

He shakes his head. “It’s Akaashi,” he says. “I can’t just. Force him.”

Kuroo smirks. “Welcome to my world,” he teases. “This is payback for all the times you’ve teased me about Kenma.”

Bokuto just groans. “I don’t deserve this,” he mumbles, burying his face into his hands. “What gods did I offend to cause this torment?”

Kuroo laughs now. “Well,” he says, once his hyena cackles have died down. “Welcome to the pining-after-our-setters club, I guess.”

“You just invented that,” Bokuto grumbles, but he lifts his face out of his hands enough to look at his friend. “There’s no way that’s an actual club, is it?”

Kuroo places his hands on his hips and hums a little under his breath. Then he says thoughtfully, “Do you think Daichi likes Suga?”

Bokuto blinks. “Do you think he’d tell us if he did?”

(Kuroo bets Bokuto 500 yen that Daichi likes Suga, and that he would be willing to join their newly formed pining-after-our-setters club. Bokuto doesn’t disagree that Daichi likes Suga, but he does have his doubts about Daichi admitting that he’s pining to them.

Turns out, Daichi actually is competent in other matters, despite having lost nearly every game of their training camp (okay, that’s unfair, Bokuto has seen him play volleyball. He’s good, a very worthy rival, in Bokuto’s humble opinion. It was always fun playing against Karasuno). Because when he and Kuroo ask him, Daichi just laughs and says that he and Suga have been dating for a few months now. 

“That’s completely unfair,” Kuroo whines to Bokuto, while Daichi just smirks at them. “I’ve known Kenma since forever, and _we’re_ not dating.”

“Guess it’s just us,” Bokuto agrees solemnly.

“I’ll help you, if you guys want,” Daichi promises, his eyes twinkling with mirth. He’s clearly enjoying their pain a little too much.) 

So, that’s just it, then. He and Kuroo now _both_ complain about their setters, and their unofficial club remains just the two of them. Even so, both he and Kuroo keep an eye (or an ear—haha) for other potential people to add to their unofficial-official “Pining After Our Setters” club. There’s a lot of teams out there, after all, and there’s no way he and Kuroo are the only ones pining this badly. Someone has to be able to join them in their misery. And when he’s not befriending other volleyball players, he’s…well…studying Akaashi.

Not studying, per se, but definitely _observing_ him, or something of the sort. Bokuto doesn’t really want to think about it, but his skin burns when Akaashi’s hands brush against his, and suddenly Bokuto wants nothing more than Akaashi’s eyes to be on him, always and forever.

Which is ridiculous, Bokuto reminds himself, lying in his bed at night, trying to sort out this mess of emotions surrounding Akaashi. He’s always _liked_ Akaashi’s attention, always craved his praises and needed Akaashi’s words to strengthen him whenever things got tough. Ever since he first laid eyes on Akaashi at least a year ago, he knew that Akaashi was something special.

No one could _ever_ make him feel the way Akaashi did. Not even Kuroo, and ironically Bokuto had been harboring a small crush on his best friend before Akaashi had walked into his life.

(His thing with Kuroo had been strange, leaving Bokuto feeling lost and afraid. He’d wondered what it would feel like to kiss Kuroo, had wondered what it feel like to hold his hand, had wondered about all the things couples should do and had realized that if it was Kuroo, he wouldn’t mind so much. He’d had a crisis then, and several Google searches and hours of tossing and turning had led him to realize that somehow, along the way, he’d developed a crush on his best friend. But what he had with Akaashi was different, so so different, stronger and fiercer and harsher and needier, somehow.)

This realization is what brings Bokuto to classify it as something akin to “love”. He turns the word thoughtfully in his head, over and over again, and as he does, he considers the way Akaashi’s lips curl into a smirk whenever he’s done something particularly tricky, and the way the light glints off of Akaashi’s hair and how _soft_ it looks and how Bokuto wants nothing more than to run his fingers through his friend’s curls, and the way Akaashi says “Bokuto-san” in this very kind, polite manner that Bokuto _adores_. He thinks of Akaashi and wants nothing more than to be the cause of Akaashi’s smile, wants Akaashi to keep tossing to him, wants Akaashi to praise him. He can’t stand the idea of Akaashi having another favorite spiker—and _that’s_ troublesome, because Bokuto is going to graduate, and Akaashi is going to have to toss for someone else, and Bokuto will receive tosses from another setter, and, and, and, oh.

The realization hits him like a freight train and Bokuto sits bolt upright in his bed.

He’s a year older than Akaashi. He’s going to graduate, this year. And Akaashi—Akaashi _won’t_.

Akaashi is going to spend another year at Fukurodani, and he’ll be a fantastic senpai and he’s so pretty that all of the new first years are going to fall in love with him and his gentle smile and his soft praises and the way his eyes light up when he’s happy and Akaashi will have the pleasure of tossing to an ace who _isn’t_ moody and too loud and too energetic and he’ll forget what it was like to toss to Bokuto and then where will Bokuto be, all alone without Akaashi?

And—

Akaashi—

As for Bokuto—

Well, he’ll be without the setter who understood him in a way that no one, not even _Kuroo_ , could.

Bokuto groans before falling back into his bed. There’s no way that would happen, right? Akaashi wouldn’t just _forget_ him, right? After all, he’s pretty awesome. His spikes are great, he’s the ace! Akaashi can’t forget him.

Can he?

He yanks the sheets over his head. He can deal with this problem tomorrow. Everything looks better in the morning.

Everything is _not_ okay in the morning.

He wakes up and the first thing he thinks about is confessing to Akaashi, which sets the tone for just how _bad_ Bokuto’s pining has gotten.

Because suddenly, it’s all Bokuto can think about.

Akaashi asks him if he’s feeling alright during practice and Bokuto tells him that he wasn’t able to sleep last night. Akaashi’s eyes settle on him in that way that means that he doesn’t fully believe Bokuto but he’s not going to push, not yet anyways, and it takes all of Bokuto’s willpower to _not_ shout that Akaashi is beautiful and kind and everything Bokuto wants, would he maybe like to go on a date please? And that, well, that won’t do. Not for Akaashi, Akaashi and the careful way he looks at Bokuto to determine his mood and the way he helps Bokuto practice spiking and his perfect perfect tosses that are meant for Bokuto and Bokuto alone—

Yeah. There’s no way he’s going to just _yell_ a confession to Akaashi. He needs to be romantic! He needs to be kind! He needs to sweep Akaashi off his feet!

He does text Kuroo and Daichi about potentially confessing, though. He asks Daichi how he confessed to Suga and that’s where Daichi admits that he actually didn’t confess to Suga; it was the pretty setter who had confessed to Daichi first. Still, Daichi tells him that Suga kept it sweet and personal, and that if Bokuto wanted to confess, he should probably draw on his personal experience with Akaashi and memories and something…Bokuto gets overwhelmed by the idea of trying to come up with something that will take Akaashi’s breath away (after all, it feels like Akaashi is always taking _his_ breath away, instead of the other way around). But Daichi promised to help him if he needed anything, despite not being in Tokyo. So it’s a win, in his book.

On the other hand, Kuroo is not helpful. Kuroo is the least helpful being to ever walk on the earth and even Daichi tells Kuroo off. Kuroo tells Bokuto that he should tell Akaashi that he wants to fuck (Daichi sends a simple message reading, “This is why Kenma won’t date you”. Bokuto very much agrees). Kuroo (after brushing them off by claiming that Kenma won’t date him because Kenma thinks he’s bad at dating sims) then proceeds to send the _worst_ euphemisms for sex, saying things that Bokuto would _never_ tell Akaashi.

Mostly because Akaashi is way too pretty for a simple fuck.

Bokuto doesn’t think he could handle sex with Akaashi, anyways. The idea of Akaashi being _that_ close to him sets his skin on fire and Bokuto really, really needs to get his mind off of that and focus on something else.

So confessing is out, at least for now, but once Bokuto can come up with something sufficiently grand and romantic and sweet and personal, it’s going to happen. Bokuto dreams up grand confession scenes while he does his homework and whenever he’s bored in class, which is often, because why pay attention when he could think about the way Akaashi’s hands look whenever he does a particularly beautiful toss, or the way Akaashi’s legs look when he leaps into a jump, or the way Akaashi’s face looks when he’s tired and sweaty and his cheeks are flushed and his forehead is sweaty and it should be gross but Akaashi manages to make it the prettiest look on the planet. He imagines himself telling Akaashi after a particularly rough practice, considers telling Akaashi at the end of their very last practice that he likes Akaashi, likes him so much that Akaashi’s touch is enough to set Bokuto’s skin on fire and his skin burns from the ghost of Akaashi’s hands, and, and…

And. Then their practice would end, and Bokuto wouldn’t have Akaashi to toss to him.

That’s what makes graduation so scary, Bokuto realizes. It’s the knowledge that even if he _did_ find the perfect romantic setting where he can confess to Akaashi, it would inevitably come tumbling down when they graduate. Bokuto will leave, and Akaashi will stay at Fukurodani. He won’t follow Bokuto anymore.

And that thought scares Bokuto more than anything else.

(It’s just that he’s grown so used to Akaashi’s constant, comforting presence, that Bokuto doesn’t want to even _imagine_ a life where Akaashi isn’t by his side.) 

So, that’s how it goes. Bokuto adjusts to this new norm. He goes to school, he plays volleyball, and he continues to let his enthusiasm for Akaashi shine through because while he might have realized that he’s probably a little bit in love with Akaashi, _Akaashi_ doesn’t know about that and it’s up to Bokuto to pretend as if everything is normal. And all things considered, Bokuto thinks that he does a good job of it. He makes sure that his touches never linger on Akaashi. He cheerfully yells Akaashi’s name when he sees him and stretches it out with too many syllables whenever Akaashi is being unfairly stubborn (and pretty). 

Akaashi is so pretty that Bokuto has no idea how he could possibly capture the beauty that is Akaashi Keiji once he graduates. He shoves that thought aside too, choosing to focus on Nationals instead, because that comes first (even if his mind screams no, no, Akaashi, look at me Akaashi look at me look at me this spike is for you Akaashi please look at me, look at me and look at me and never take your eyes off of me and tell me that we’ll always be together, that it will be Bokuto and Akaashi, Akaashi and Bokuto, together forever and ever and your attention will be on me while mine is on you). He has to be normal. He knows that he can be normal, actually.

After all, Kuroo didn’t pick up Bokuto’s little crush on him, all those months ago (and, wow, it feels like ages since Bokuto had wanted his friend to hold him and never let go), so Bokuto knows that he can wrap up these beautiful messy feelings for Akaashi and put them in a safe place. He can take them out later, he decides, and lay them bare for Akaashi when the timing is right (even if he thinks about how simple it would be to whisper a confession into Akaashi’s ear when they trade water bottles, or how he could easily let the words spill out of his mouth during one of their lunches, or, or, or he could write down his feelings on a volleyball and give it to Akaashi, or something, anything, as long as it was _now_ ).

So, all things considered, Bokuto thinks he does a pretty good job of maintaining a careful facade of neutrality, or at least, pretending as if he hasn’t realized that he likes Akaashi (because hasn’t he always liked Akaashi? Hasn’t he always wanted Akaashi’s attention to be on him and only him? How did Bokuto not realize this sooner?). None of his other teammates (and they’re also attuned to his moods, hoping to keep him in a good mood for as long as possible) seem to notice a change, so Bokuto knows he’s doing well.

But Akaashi, oh, Akaashi. 

Akaashi _definitely_ notices that something is off. Bokuto can tell because Akaashi’s gaze lingers for just a few seconds longer than it used to, and sometimes when Akaashi looks at him and asks about his well-being Bokuto can _see_ some strange flicker of emotion in Akaashi’s (gorgeous) blue eyes. Even so, Akaashi doesn’t bring it up.

Bokuto wonders if this means that Akaashi can’t tell.

He wonders if this means that at some point, Akaashi will look into his eyes, and see the truth of these tangled fragile _screaming_ emotions that threaten to burst out of his chest.

He doesn’t know if he could bear it if Akaashi did figure it out.

(In his dreams, he smears gold onto Akaashi’s cheek bones and tells him that he loves him. In his dreams, Akaashi lets him run his fingers through his curls and Bokuto plays with his hair until Akaashi falls asleep with his head in Bokuto’s lap. In his dreams, he presses kisses to Akaashi’s forehead and tells him that he never wants to let him go. In his dreams, he and Akaashi are magic.

When he wakes up, Bokuto reminds himself that he can’t just confess to Akaashi. He just can’t. He’s not strong enough. He doesn’t have the guts to admit to these feelings to Akaashi himself.)

Of course, his luck doesn’t last forever.

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says at the end of practice, in that careful, measured, kind, polite tone that Bokuto knows and loves so well. “We need to talk.”

“Of course we can, Akaashi!” Bokuto tells him. He squirts water into his mouth and then looks at Akaashi. “What’s up?”

Akaashi looks away. He fiddles with his fingers and looks everywhere but actually at Bokuto. Bokuto takes the time to admire the way Akaashi’s cheeks are flushed red from practice, and the way sweat glitters on his forehead. Akaashi is alive and beautiful and real, and Bokuto is blessed to be witnessing this moment. Meanwhile, Akaashi opens his mouth several times, before closing it once more.

Silence drags out between them, and that’s when Bokuto realizes that Akaashi is fiddling with his fingers and very steadfastly avoiding _his_ eyes because he’s really, really nervous.

Like, really nervous.

Bokuto can’t help it. Akaashi is so beautiful, so amazing, that there’s no reason for him to be nervous. And Akaashi wanted to talk to him about something, and Bokuto knows that Akaashi can talk about it.

So Bokuto inhales. He puts his water bottle down.

“Akaashi,” he says, in a perfectly normal voice.

(Akaashi will later deny that. “You yelled “AAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHIIIIIIIIIIIIII” like it was the last thing you would ever say. Everyone was looking at us,” he tells him in his usual deadpan, and wow, Bokuto loves him so so much.)

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, his gaze finally (finally!) meeting Bokuto’s. “Why are you yelling?”

“You wanted to talk?” Bokuto prompts him. “I can listen. But you—” And he can’t help himself. He reaches out and pokes Akaashi’s cheek. “Have to actually say something if you want me to listen to you.”

Akaashi’s face flushes. “…do you like me, Bokuto-San?”

“Huh?” Bokuto feels his heart freeze. He feels his blood freeze. He feels his eyes freeze and his fingers freeze and he can’t move. He’s been pinned in place by Akaashi’s eyes.

“Do you like me?” Akaashi repeats. He’s still looking at Bokuto (his eyes are so beautiful, Bokuto notes desperately), but he’s fiddling with his fingers again.

It’s not like Bokuto can _lie_ to a face that beautiful. “Yes,” he says. “I really, really, really like you, Akaashi. You’re amazing. I want you by my side forever and ever.”

Akaashi is so red and his blue eyes are now darting everywhere but at Bokuto again and his fingers won’t stop massaging each other and his shoulder hunch over just slightly and Bokuto is struck once more by a stray thought of how nice it would be to cup Akaashi’s jaw and delicately press his lips onto Akaashi’s.

“Forever is a long time,” Akaashi mumbles, still not looking back at Bokuto. Bokuto pouts. “But I think I would like that.”

“What?” Bokuto blinks. “Akaashi, what?”

Akaashi’s hands still, and then he’s squaring his shoulders and looking at Bokuto, really looking at Bokuto with those blue blue eyes of his and there’s the beginnings of a gentle smile on his face.

“I like you too,” Akaashi says simply. “Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto gasps. “Akaashi!” He cries, and throws his arms around him. “Akaashi!”

“B-bokuto-san,” Akaashi starts, before patting his back. “I—”

“Shhhhh,” Bokuto says. “Akaashi. Is this a dream?” 

“…no.” Akaashi’s arms are warm around him, and Bokuto presses his face into Akaashi’s neck. This is such a comforting position, he realizes. He’s safe with Akaashi, Akaashi is holding him, _Akaashi likes him back._ It’s perfect.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto mumbles.

“That’s me,” Akaashi says softly. “Don’t wear my name out.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto repeats. “Akaashi. I. I really, really like you.”

He feels Akaashi’s lips press onto his forehead. “I like you too,” Akaashi mumbles. “I really, really do.”

“I didn’t think you would,” Bokuto confesses. “You could have anyone, Akaashi.”

“Idiot.” Akaashi’s voice is fond though, and he still hasn’t let go of Bokuto. “No one else would have compared.”

Bokuto gasps and pulls away from him. “Really?”

“You’re special,” Akaashi tells him, and Bokuto feels so, so so light, as if he could float away with nothing but Akaashi. Special, he thinks. Special.

_Akaashi_ thinks _he’s_ special.

“How could there be anyone else?” Akaashi finishes, and he’s smiling, and Bokuto—

Bokuto has never felt this complete in his life. 

“Akaashi!” he wails, and then he’s throwing himself at Akaashi and wrapping his arms around him. “Akaashi, you! You complete me!” 

Akaashi’s cheeks are still pink from embarrassment, from the exhaustion of practice, from the rush of having his feelings reciprocated; okay, Bokuto doesn’t really know. But Akaashi’s damn cute like that, and Bokuto presses kisses to Akaashi’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his eyes, desperate to tell Akaashi in whatever way he can that he loves him. 

He never wants to let Akaashi go. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, pulling his face away. “Are you ever going to kiss me?” 

Bokuto blinks. He can’t believe he forgot about that part. 

“Can I?” He asks.

“You just kissed my entire face, I don’t see why you can’t kiss me,” Akaashi replies, his eyes soft, his lips curled into a soft smile that Bokuto decides that he wants to see on Akaashi’s face for the rest of their lives. 

“O-okay,” Bokuto whispers, and he cups Akaashi’s jaw and pulls him close, before pressing his lips to Akaashi’s, just as he had been dreaming of for ages now. 

It began with Kuroo, but really, it begins with Akaashi’s touch and Bokuto’s desire to get more and more and more of it, and it ends with Akaashi, safe in Bokuto’s arms, pink-cheeked and smiling and beautiful, his attention reserved for Bokuto and Bokuto alone, and Bokuto knows that he will never be able to live without Akaashi after this.

“I would never forget you,” Akaashi promises him, and Bokuto knows that Akaashi means it.

Whatever happens in their futures, he’ll always have Akaashi. 

**Author's Note:**

> i finished this at like 1:40 am and went to bed so i could do a coherency check before posting it 
> 
> sorry there's like no actual timeline lmao, i'm anime only rn and i haven't even finished that jsdhfjsdhs (but i swear i'm gonna finish the anime and then i'll probably hunt down the manga bc these boys r giving me LIFE). this fic is canon-compliant in the sense that i barely reference actual canon events and it takes place during an extremely nebulous canon time space. 
> 
> anyways! first haikyuu fic and it's just me projecting my past pining onto Bokuto (and Kuroo had my best friend's lines; fun fact, she actually did confront me like "so when r u gonna fuck ur crush" and i was like "excuse u that's rude i don't have a crush". unlike kuroo, though, she did not have a crush on anyone and i could not tease her about it). it became an exercise of "how many different ways can i talk about Akaashi" and "which body parts have i not mentioned yet" and "if i mention akaashi's eyes one more time-"
> 
> also, i guess this means i wrote bokuto as ace, bc i myself am ace and this *is* based on my past experiences? hahaha an ace ace. ur free to interpret this however u want, though. 
> 
> okay, well, if u got this far, thank you so much for reading! feel free to leave a comment or kudos if u liked it! and have a great day, i hope something nice happens~


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